The Dream that Grew Here

It changes every day—

How I feel about being a mom. Becoming a mom, setting aside some dreams—no, exchanging them for new ones. For a season.

It’s hard not to feel both envy and, if I’m honest, a touch of embarrassment when I see other women traveling the world, building careers that look fulfilling and free—

While I change another diaper and scrub another dish.

It’s hard to silence the voices that insist I’ve traded something extraordinary for something ordinary. That I’m living beneath my abilities. “She’s settling.” Just a mom. Just a wife.

I wish I could say I’ve silenced those voices entirely, that I live in constant joy and deep contentment: “I am a full-time wife and mother, and I am always complete!”

But that wouldn’t be the truth.

The truth is, some days I believe I am less than. That I settled. Gave up. Gave in.

But two things can be true.

Because it’s also true that when my toddler’s face lights up in the morning—eyes bright, full of peace, telling me without words that I am his whole world—my heart nearly bursts.

When the only thing that soothes my baby is my heartbeat, my scent, as he nestles into my embrace in the stillness of the night, my soul feels whole.

This is where I am. Do I miss the freedom and unpredictability of life before children? A. Would I trade these days, these moments, for anything? Never.

I know this kind of raw honesty might unsettle some people. Others will cheer it on. To be frank, I don’t much care. This is my reality. This is where God meets me.

And I believe that’s the very place where unshakable joy can take root and bloom.